Tuesday June 25, 2024.
Things seem to be falling into place. This is how my life has to be right now, and to be honest, I haven’t felt this joyful in awhile. This is exactly where I need to be. Look below, the zodiac agrees!
It has been kind of eery looking at this unfold day after day. I’ve been thinking these past few days, that this is my time to tuck away and be a recluse. I feel like if I could just stay home all summer and do nothing but workout, keep up the house and work on my writing– I’d be happy as a clam. It feels so freeing to think about letting everything else go, for now.
So that’s been my plan, and it feels good and right, like this is MY season.
When I looked at my horoscope for today, it solidified my gut.
I’ve noticed these past several months that I’ve lost my joy. I missed those moments in my car, where I’d look at something and tears would stream down my face because I would be in awe of how beautiful that thing and/or this world is. I hadn’t felt that in awhile.
Yesterday I was taking a walk, and happen to be walking by the City building. The city has a kids camp for the summer. I passed some councilors walking to the main building with their classes. I laughed to myself, thinking that I probably looked like a preditor because my eyes were glued to the kids trying to see if I knew anyone.
I saw a kid I know at the Memorial Day parade and it was pretty great, haha! He was with two other kids and came up to my niece and nephew to give them candy (which we do at parades in America). We locked eyes, and I thought it was Eddy, but wasn’t sure (he’s not my student, I just see him in the pick up/drop off line at car duty). I said, “Do I know you?” And he said, “Wait, are you that teacher?” He gestured for his mom to come over but his group was getting ahead and he had to run. But we saw each other in the hallway randomly a couple of times after that, and each time I’d stare at him and say, “Hey, do I know you?” It was just fun, and funny. But he graduated this year to the upper elementary building, so I won’t see him next year.
Anyways, as I was watching the kids I found that feeling of joy. I was suddenly feeling so grateful. For everything. The weather, the season, my dog, my neighborhood, time to walk, legs that can walk, and the most intense feelings came from the connectedness and belonging I felt as I watched those kids walk. I felt so grateful to work in the community, and for getting to know so many adults and children who live in my neighborhood. I hadn’t felt that connected in a long time, which I thought was so ironic given my latest desire to be reclusive.
As sad as it is to say goodbye to old habits, and situations, and relationships, I am making room for better things. Things that serve me, and elevate me.
I’ve been giving far too much energy to the opposite. It feels good, to feel good. I know that if I continue to follow my joy, the magic will continue to flow ✨
P.S.
I’ve really grown to love the Hindu religion. Their beliefs and way of life resonates with me SO much. There’s a huge Hindu celebration, every summer right at the end of my street. They close the street, and walk a float (which I think represents a god) to the temple and have music, food and celebrations at the park at the end of our street. For years, I’ve listened. to my family (especially my mother and father in law) complain about the loud music and road closure (my family lives on a dead end street and there is no warning really when this day comes, the road just closes and we can’t leave our street for an hour or two. I’ve felt lucky because. my in-laws live adjacent to us, but on a different street so we can always park in their driveway if we need to go somewhere).
I jumped on the complaining bandwagon the first few years. But these last few years, I’ve been really intrigued- and have wanted to join in on their festivities.
But I’m always too self-conscious. Besides, they always dress so beautifully. Do I join in in my American clothes, or do I get an Indian outfit to wear- and if I do that, is it cultural appropriation? Ugh, why does everything have to be so tricky? I don’t want to offend anyone.
I’ve made a couple local Indian friends at my school. I’m super tempted to text one of them and ask them some of these questions.
This celebration is coming up soon. I wonder if I’ll have enough nerve this year to join them. I’m really not sure, but I’ll keep you posted!
Hella Moone 